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I dont know what he was thinking.



I was having a great time at Crossroads with Michelle and Leiha and Brenda and a bunch of other Rona ladies and men. It was a blast My boss was plastered, as was 90 of us. In the end it was down to Michelle, Lisa, Brenda, Dan and I all standing around waiting for rides.

Then Aaron called.... COMPLETELY blasted out of his skull.

He wanted me to come get him and bring him home. He was at Jasonapos;s at a party. Instantly I felt angry because I didnt know he would be drinking like this tonight or else I would have left earlier to be at his house at like 10:45 or 11. I promised him I wouldnt drink much at all and that I would be safe and level headed, and I made true to my words. He tried to mumble Jasonapos;s address to me and I could barely tell what he was saying. When I asked him to repeat it, mind you I am being as gentle and calm as can be since I dont want to make him all angry and hang up on me, he started to be short and mad and kept saying goodbye. I told him to calm down and all he could manage to say was that he was going to pass out, and goodbye. I told him no, no I was coming to save him, to bring him home to sleep and to hang up and id call when I got close. I was afraid. So fucking afraid because the last time I went hunting for him by a highway he figured it would be a good idea to stand as close as he could to traffic so i could see him better (or would that be easier to squish him? hmm. Way to go.) and i was terrified hed do something similar along interurban. He was able to tell me Jasonapos;s address (which turned out to be wrong since 1004, the number he told me, would be one hell of a far away house...) and jasonapos;s number but i couldnt save it in time as the taxi pulled up and i shut my phone without thinking i hadnt saved it. I tried to call him back as i made my way to interurban and grange. No answer. I called again, this time he blurted that hed call me back and hung up. I got to interurban and started looking at houses. They ALL�started with 4. Not 1... 4. So after my $35 taxi ride that should have been $20 i started to walk up and down looking and listening� for a house that had a party. Still no answer on aarons phone - in fact it didnt even rind this time and what scared me the most was at that point i started hearing sirens. Ambulance sirens... On interurban. My heart was bounding as the sound drew nearer. I honestly thought aaron was gone. That he had stepped too far out in hopes of being noticed by me on the road passing by and was hit. I was about to call his parents when he called me. He had the balls to say hey where are you? im drunk. Im at my house. AFTER�ALL�THAT. He walked to his bloody house and i was down the street ready to burst with tears and frustration. I told him in my calmest voice that i was glad he was home, dissapointed, but i wouldnt go through that now. I was just happy he was safe. So happy. I marced up grange, walked uphis back stairs where i ran into his dad, who had told him to go to bed. He was outside puking - i could hear, so i quickly gathered his blankets and set them straight and placed a towel on the ground and a pot for him to be sick in and two big glasses of water. As soon as he staggered back in i told him to go to sleep. He was all apologetic and i love yous but i know in morning that is just emotion he doesnt want to let out just yet. We passed out about 15 mins ago where i told him too.�

i am angry. Not just at what he did but at him being this drunk. He thinks im out of hand when i drink but he is just doing what he didnt want to see in me. He told me girls hit on him, i dont even want to go over the details. I bet he never once said but i have a girlfriend and sheapos;s all i need, like i would say to a flirt. It just doesnt feel as if he would. He loves attention. Plus he was being sick everywhere. Hell i love the boy and i will clean up anything he pukes up but sometimes it just makes me sad. Like i can watch his health plummet like a suicide on a skyrise.

gods give me strength and courage and patience.... I really do love aaron. I wish he would slow down and understand what pain he does to me sometimes and do me the kindness of holding off a few unnecessary drinks when he knows heapos;ll be around me, like tonight. I would so much appreciate it. I wish he could see how much destruction i see when i hold him up straight. He is not the healthiest boy. He thinks he can tolerate much and more but his body tells me otherwise. He needs to be careful and mindful.

i cant help but cry typing this out. He is my superman, my hero and knight and above all my best friend. I love him with my heart and soul and i� will die if i see that boy be torn apart again with health issues because he ignored his tolerance or puked too hard and ruptured something... He is such an angry drunk too... Sigh. Im going to bed. There is no continuing this. I could write for hours to come to no solution.

all i know is i love him, and that i am afraid.

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