funfares national express

"Why canapos;t you just work with me? Why do you always have to work against me?"

These were the exact words of my mother tonight.

If only she knew how much i had to work apos;with her.apos; I�practically do what she says. It has upset me how much she does not realise. But is that not good that she does not realise how hard i have to work? My facade looks real. It works.

I�have looked for my blades tonight and can not find them. I�am worried that she found them. I�am sure they were where i looked. I�will have to have a proper search tomorrow. I�REALLY want to cut. I REALLY�NEED to cut. I tried using the scissors but they left little more than a red mark and scraping for ages.

I vowed to stop purging last night. I�do it to often. Everynight. I�need to stop for my teethapos;s sake. The night i donapos;t purge i try to cut. God never closes a door without opening a window. Hah

Today i have eaten grapes, cucumber, some red pepper and a little of lasagne but only like a third of what i was given. I�have done well. This is better than purging.

So now all i have to do is try and get some sleep if possible. Probably not.

I�lay for ages with my earphones in trying to drown out my thoughts. But still the tears fell. I need to stop them if i have any hope of sleep. I�canapos;t do it though. I�am trying so hard but failing. Failing again.

I need help. I�need my sun. I�wish it was here. I�hope it will come soon. I�donapos;t know how much longer i will be able to cope without it.

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