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I woke up feeling sick...
I donrsquo;t know why...
Maybe because I cried before I slept last night...
Maybe because I havenrsquo;t took up my medicine...
*sigh*
last night I told him that I wanted to break up with him...
That I canrsquo;t feel him anymore...
Maybe I just felt out of love all of a sudden...
Yes, iapos;m still insane...
And irsquo;m very inconsiderate...
I know Irsquo;ll hurt him...
But I donrsquo;t want to hurt myself too...
I just want to be happy...
Everybody wants to be happy..
who doesnrsquo;t?
Irsquo;m being selfish again...
Is this what I wanted?
Is this the end...?
My friends telling me that if I really donrsquo;t love him...
I must set him free...
I mustnrsquo;t be unfair to him...
To our relationship...
I feel sad...
I really feel sad...
Irsquo;m sick...
And even if irsquo;m sick...
I still go to megamall to unwind...
I play dance maniax until I can...
Karaoke and eat shawarma...
Things I usually do when irsquo;m sad...
I feel lifeless...
Irsquo;m laughing but irsquo;m not happy...
I wanted to cry...
But something is stopping me to do so...
Irsquo;m still sick...
Irsquo;m typing nothingness just to fill
The boredom and sadness that irsquo;m feeling...
I want to go somewhere...
where nobody knows me...
A place where no one will going to hurt me...
No one will make me sad...
I want to die...
I want to be alone...
I guess this will be another black Christmas for me...
No one understands me after all...
No one really cares...
I hate myself for expecting that much from others...
I hate myself for depending too much on them...
To those people I loved so much...
For believing that I can find happiness with them...
Feeling lonesome right now makes me
Realize that I donrsquo;t have them...
They just made me believe that they exist...
Though for real they really donrsquo;t...
*sigh*
A loser will always be a loser...
Yeah...
Irsquo;m always been a loser...
...
Now irsquo;m irritated...
I want to be alone...
But my younger sister is bugging me...
Shersquo;s annoying...
Irsquo;m still sick...
But even if irsquo;m sick...
I donrsquo;t want to stay at home...
If thereapos;s only a place where I can stay in peace...
A place where thereapos;s trees and lots of grass...
A zoo... Or seashore...
I want to see the sea...
I wanted to go back to that moment where Irsquo;m at manila bay...
Irsquo;m only an inch far from death...
I was about to jump in the water but I cant...
Irsquo;m really stupid...
and yes, iapos;m scared...
That was one opportunity that I took for granted...
How does it feel to be half dead?
How about dying?
Does it feels good as what irsquo;m feeling right now?
I want to know...
I really want to know...
Let me try it sometimes...

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