judy mcgrath mtv

Some years ago I�used to work front-of-house at one of Edinburghapos;s larger theatres. We prided ourselves on having a family slightly old-fashioned atmosphere and service-ethic which included actually showing people to their seats wherever possible. For some reason there were those who objected to this as well as those who objected to being asked to show us their tickets in the first place.

One night I�get this guy who just tries to brush past me, so I�stop him and ask to see his ticket which is then briefly waved at me and he tries to head off again I�stop him �the following takes place:

Me: Excuse me, Sir, I�need to see your tickets, please.
Eejit: I just showed you them.
Me: No, sir, I�actually need to see it not just that you have them.
Eejit: For f***apos;s sake I�had to show it to one of you idiots in the foyer
Me: (Showing remarkable restraint by now) Yes sir, but they would just have checked which level you were booked for and directed you here. Iapos;ll now show you to your seat.
Eejit: I know where my seats are; I�come here all the time. I can find them without your bloody help.
Me: Thatapos;s certainly your choice, Sir. However, I�still need to take the stubs from your tickets. (We didnapos;t actually bother most of the time, but itapos;s a good way to make them hand the thing over to be checked.)
Eejit: Oh for f***apos;s sake this is ridiculous

The ticket is thrust at me, quickly checked that itapos;s the right show and the correct theatre (youapos;d be surprised how many people came to the wrong one), the stub is removed and it is then snatched back out of my hand. He stamps off complaining loudly about what a show of incompetent a-holes we are in this sh***y dump. TIme passes and a few minutes before curtain I�see some people standing half-way up the aisle looking bewildered. I went up to them, asked if I�could help and was told that this was their row, but it was full. I�check the tickets and they are by the correct row and it is full. I take the tickets and move into the row to see what the problem is. Itapos;s usually someone in the wrong place - kinda why we try to usher people to the seats occasionally it was a double-booking. So I�get to the right spot and who do you think is sitting in the seat?

Got it in one.

Me: Sorry, sir but may I�see your ticket again, please?
Eejit: Youapos;ve already seen it.
Me: I�know sir, but there seems to be some confusion here and I�need to check it again.
Eejit: This is my seat and weapos;re not moving.
Me: It may well be sir, but I�still need to re-examine your ticket to make sure that there hasnapos;t been some kind of booking error. So if I could just see it for a moment I�would appreciate it.

There followed some grumbling and swearing as the tickets were recovered from the pocket and they were thrust at me. I�check the seat numbers and, sure enough, they were in the correct place. Just as I�was about to admit to a booking error and start trying to get the other folks new seats I noticed the information that allowed me to say the following:

Me: These are your (couple in aisle) seats, you (Eejit) should have been here yesterday.

I�even managed to say it without a triumphant grin. Under other circumstances Iapos;d even have found him another seat or offered a refund - hey we all make mistakes and we preferred people to come back - but I�really enjoyed showing him the door.



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